Quick Answer: How Do I Express My Feelings To My Husband Without Him Getting Defensive?

How can I get my husband to understand my feelings?

Below, a few more ways to keep calm, tap into your emotions, communicate effectively, and hopefully “get” each other as a result.Use As Many “I” Statements As Possible.

Keep It Short And Sweet.

Focus On Understanding Them.

Keep Your Voice Calm.

Pay Attention To Your Body Language.

Make Emotions Part Of Your Daily Convo.More items…•.

Why being defensive is bad?

One thing to remember is that usually people who engage in defensive behaviors aren’t doing it for malicious reasons. Their only concern may be to feel better about what’s happening. However, defensive behaviors are usually harmful for both the person doing them and those on the receiving end.

Why does my husband always get defensive?

‘ [That’s] because accepting responsibility would make them feel as if they have failed.” Defensive behavior might stem from a tough childhood or traumatic past, which can make a person more likely to “react through a negative lens,” said Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, a psychotherapist and founder of Love and Life Toolbox.

How do you communicate with a defensive partner?

How to talk to someone who always gets defensive.Talk about issues in a non-blaming way when you’re not upset. … When you’re not in the middle of an argument, ask your partner how they would prefer to receive complaints.Understand the message you’re giving with your own body language.

How do you deal with a defensive spouse?

Crucial Conversations with a Defensive SpouseWork on me first. First, I would invite you to consider your own behavior. … Talk about talking. Having examined and owned your part, ask for an opportunity to talk about how both of you talk. … Give her a reason to want to. Crucial conversations only work when there is a Mutual Purpose. … Influence with your ears.

Is being defensive a sign of guilt?

The Guilt Response: That being said, getting defensive in the face of confrontation is a very human response. … Some people get defensive or even offensive out of guilt. Feeling guilty for doing something like stealing, is normal. Some individuals take guilt to an unhealthy extreme.

Do liars get defensive?

9. They tend to point a lot. “When a liar becomes hostile or defensive, he is attempting to turn the tables on you,” says Glass. The liar will get hostile because he is angry that you’ve discovered his lies, which may result in a lot of pointing.

What Husbands should not say to their wives?

#1 — Never criticize, demean or humiliate her. … #2 — Never withhold positive comments. … #3 — Never stop being a gentleman. … #4 — Never stop showing your wife the ways that you love her. … #5 — Never betray her or be disloyal. … #6 — Never say the D word. … #7 — Never miss a chance to celebrate you and her.

What personality type thinks they are always right?

ESTJs have a tendency to think they are always right and that their moral compass is objective, absolute and universal.

How do I stop being defensive and argumentative?

Stop Being So Defensive!Name it. … Breathe. … Don’t interrupt. … Don’t listen when you can’t. … Ask for specifics. … Find something to agree with. … Apologize for your part. … No buts.More items…•

Why do people get defensive?

People who are acting defensively are essentially trying to protect themselves from feeling a certain uncomfortable way, and from viewing themselves as a failure or otherwise in a negative light. In this light, all of your examples are potentially reasonable examples of defensive behavior.

What to do when your husband doesn’t listen to you?

Driven to Distraction: What to Do When Your Spouse Doesn’t ListenRemember that your spouse probably isn’t tuning you out on purpose. … Evaluate your approach and make any needed adjustments. … Carefully frame the moments when you need their undivided attention.

How do you tell someone they are hurting you emotionally?

5 thoughtful ways to tell someone they’ve hurt your feelingsSleep on it. Being hurt is not fun, ever. … Write a letter that you WON’T mail. After you’ve slept on it, chances are you’ll be maybe a tad less angry. … Plan your words carefully. … Be prepared for either a positive or negative outcome. … Decide what’s best for you.

What does defensive behavior look like?

Defensive behavior is defined as that behavior which occurs when an individual perceives threat or anticipates threat in the group. The person who behaves defensively, even though he or she also gives some attention to the common task, devotes an appreciable portion of energy to defending himself or herself.